Before Olam happened, I spent weeks dilly dallying around the idea of stopping what I'm doing. I was riddled in self-doubt and it brought about so much rage in me because I did not understand how I could be treated badly and that too more often than anybody would like. It’s so nice on the outside, no? I elevate the experience that any situation or place wishes to provide and yet, Organizers have an issue with even spending a meager 500 Rupees on me sometimes. I spent years on my education which in turn helps me do what I do, I have to ensure that my kids are safe and taken care of when I travel, I have to mentally and physically prepare before an event, I will wrecked by the time the event is done, I gladly spend hours listening to whoever drops by and churn out poetry to the best of my ability on handmade paper. Now these are all the obvious things and yet, my work feels like a punishment when organizers refuse to find me a space to practice my art till the last moment, make namesake arrangements and when I do make adjustments, fight with me over how they do not like something or the other like aesthetics, there will be no one to carry my bags even if I say I'm not keeping well and in general, God, I wish I had 50k followers so I would be treated better for the work I do. I am out there. I AM doing the work. It would be a huge favor if you would just NOT invite me if you do not like my work. I'll be glad to sit at home and work on myself and the other gazillion things I do if I don't attend your event where you do not have the heart to appreciate what I wish to do. I do not understand how I am the budget cut, I am the last one to be considered and after abandoning me at 5 am somewhere on the highway at a strange place without picking up my calls as to where the heck to go, they have it in them to ask me to understand when I appear to be upset. Now I'll tell you why I still do this. It has to be these faces. They are accommodative, warm, caring, eager to explore, self-reflect and actually give my art a chance to survive in this mad world. So even if I reach the last ounce of patience and tolerance left in me, I somehow pull through when I think of the minds and hearts I'd disappoint giving up. This time I did something to help myself. In my phone’s old people flip cover, I chose to keep a feedback from my exhibition back in July last year. I felt I would see it whenever I'm finding it hard to believe in myself. And somehow this same person turned up at Olam just to ensure I continue doing what I do and to express his gratitude. I couldn’t believe it but I felt the universe spoke to me. I showed him the feedback that was stuck to my phone and how grateful I was for his appearance at my lowest. I needed to know that it made sense, what I did made sense to someone and the day was followed by more reasons to keep going and I am humbled and thankful and also ready to take things up a notch this year. All the positivity you have lying back there, Can I use it when you are not doing much with it?
